A visual definition of Resiliency

On to the meat and potatoes of this blog. . .

After going through several encounters were I felt less than strong, I wanted to help others to feel empowered.  But how?  I knew I had figured out how to be strong, but I couldn't tell you the steps it took to get there.  The logical part of me knew if I wanted to help people, I needed some concrete steps or answers on HOW, and not just "hey, I did it - you you can too!"

I was sitting in a classroom when I saw this:

Wolin, S. & Wollin, S (1993) from The Resilient Self: How survivors of troubled families rise above adversity. 

Someone who is becoming resilient will start from the center traits and move outward.  For example, if you are learning to become independent, you will begin by straying, the disengaging, separating and finally becoming independent.

If you need an example of gaining independence, watch the nearest 2 year old you can find.  A two year old child will begin to stray farther and farther away (physically) from their parent (while still ensuring they can see the parent and return to safety at any time).  A toddler will then begin to play by themselves, and sooner or later begin to feel safe when the parent is not in the room.  Eventually children can be left without their parent (with another caretaker) without fear.  2 year old LOVE the word "NO", and this is another example of learning independence.  

For an adult becoming independent may mean forming new opinions that are different from their parent or spouse, while knowing they are emotionally safe to think differently.  

I will go into more detail on these components of resiliency over time.  

In my experience, resiliency is not something that is learned once, than mastered.  For example, while searching for employment, there were some times when I felt very discouraged!  Instead of giving up, I continued to explore, and work, and take initiative.  Many people commented about my positive attitude throughout the process.  

Because resiliency is formed in may ways, I will be including some *creative* ideas on this blog as well.  I do this to help others, and also to teach skills (which is part of my ultimate plan when I have a full resiliency center in operation).  Please feel free to comment on anything you are curious about.