Rebuilding

A long time ago, I heard that when a person experiences a crisis involving another person (such as divorce, or abuse), they can temporarily lose a part of who they are - and it's usually the part that the relationship hurts.

In my divorce, this occurred.  For a time I lost my self esteem.  I'm still trying to become "fun" again (this is another part I lost).  My spouse was the "fun" person in the relationship, and was overpowering to my "fun".  

When I was younger, my mother said I was a boring teacher (she was trying to help me improve). Over time, I became better, but I still like to "plan" fun things...  My planning gene is stronger than the fun gene ;)

Building self esteem came back quickly.  I had to take care of my children.  I learned about job searching, and got practice interviewing (and acting confident during interviews).  Over time, I didn't have to act.  By learning something new, and becoming an expert, my confidence grew.  I eventually worked for the employment agency, and helped others.  When they had hard days, I'd point out blessings.  This helped to make unemployment bearable.

As far as being fun... I'm not a goofy person.  I have started by doing things I enjoy.  At first, I didn't remember what I enjoyed.  When a person is in survival mode, there isn't a lot of time to have "fun".  I noticed all the piles of crafts and started to do those in my free time, and enjoyed it.  I made dinner and really enjoyed the creative process of cooking something out of nothing (with no recipe).  

I've also been making small talk with people, and inserting my humor there.  My "fun" traits are returning, and I feel more like myself.